The student news site of Napa High School

The Beat of the Drum

Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

Patricia Arriaga-Rivera, Opinion Editor, Features Editor

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






From memes made by disturbingly possessive boyfriends and girlfriends to popular comic characters in unhealthy relationships, one thing making is sure. Unhealthy and otherwise abusive relationships are making their way into today’s pop culture.

Many have the more than slightly incorrect definition of what an unhealthy relationship is. Most only consider relationships where there is physical violence to be unhealthy, but it truly does go beyond that. It can be difficult to determine what exactly an unhealthy relationship is, but there is a cycle to how it happens.

Generally speaking, the relationship will begin to develop decently. The abusive partner can even be seen as extremely loving and caring of their significant other. With time, however, the care can shift to be more obsessive than anything else. They can, for example, demand to know where you are at all hours of the day, restrict you from going other places, even control what you can and cannot wear. They’ll, of course, say it’s in the name of love or guilt trip the victim into thinking it’s their fault. This would be the beginning of the cycle. Some may wonder ‘well why don’t they just leave the relationship? If they see things aren’t as they should be’. The answer can vary, sometimes it’s due to housing arrangements, another reason could be that the victim has a child with the abuser, or sometimes while the partner knows deep down that what is happening isn’t right, but they can’t bring themselves to end the relationship. This could be based on the belief that they are responsible for keeping the relationship afloat, or that they don’t deserve better. This is the first of a four-part cycle according to  CCWRC (Centre County Women’s Resource Center).

The next part would the incident. This would be something that could set off abuse of all kind. The physical abuse could range from subtle pushing, pinching, hair pulling, and range to full on beatings that can result in the need of hospitalization or death. The abuse can also take a verbal or emotional form.  Threats to either kill themselves or the victim, degradation through criticism, reminders of past mistakes, and name calling can also be involved. Sexual abuse is also among the kinds of abuse that can happen during the incident nonconsensual touching, rape, forced prostitution, and forced abortions can be proof of this. The last kind of abuse that can be found happening during the incident is financial abuse, though this goes on longer than the rest do. This could be not allowing the victim to work outside of their home, denying them from attending school, and controlling how all the money is spent.  The cycle of abuse doesn’t stop there, though.

From there would be the reconciliation. This would be the aftermath of the incident. From here the abuser would do the necessary to avoid blame and in some cases place the blame on the victim. Here the abuser may make empty promises to change or become a better person. From there would follow the calm. The calm would be a temporary moment of peace where the abuser would keep their word. Because abusive relationships are a cycle the calm would only last until something was to trigger and cause the incident.
As someone who has both seen the abuse from an outsider and insiders point of view, I can understand why some would choose to stay in those relationships. The manipulation and sweet afterthoughts were enough to excuse the actions committed by the abuser.  One often refuses to believe the relationship they are in is unhealthy, or believe they are undeserving of anything better. It’s a toxic mindset that can lead to an even more toxic way of living. Knowing how to identify an unhealthy relationship can help prevent the problem before it starts, or at least help those in the relationship identify the problem. 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Leave a Comment

If you want a picture to show with your comment, go get a gravatar.




*

Navigate Right
Navigate Left
  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    2017 Fashion Trends

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    High School: As Good as it Gets?

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    Not My Rodrick

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    Teenage Life Behind The Wheel

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    Jock Lot Capacity Problem

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    News

    New Mascot Ideas

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    Seriously Speaking

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    News

    Tribe United

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    Opinion

    Napa Indians No More?

  • Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle

    News

    Student Opinions on the Mascot

The student news site of Napa High School
Abusive Relationships: Knowing The Cycle